


I Thought...

by camichats



Category: Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Honeytrap, Iron Man 2, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Torture, SHIELD Agent Bucky Barnes, Sexual Content, Timeline What Timeline, dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 16:11:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10925358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Tony thought he'd die from palladium poisoning. Tony thought he fell in love with his new assistant/bodyguard Bucky. Tony thought a lot of things that weren't true.





	I Thought...

**Author's Note:**

> A couple things before we start. Bucky is a regular SHIELD agent, he doesn’t have the serum, he wasn’t alive in the 40’s. This timeline is aaaaaall kinds of cut apart and pasted where I want it, but it IS all Iron Man 2. Vanko isn’t a big deal? Like I mention him near the end and that’s it. Same goes for Hammer. A lot of the dialogue in the donut shop is lifted straight from the movie.

Tony had given lots of thought to how he would die throughout his life.

  1. Someone killing him in a misguided attempt to get at Howard. It didn’t take too many kidnappings for everyone to realize that A) Howard would not pay a ransom even if it was for his only son and heir, B) Kidnapping Tony was a hazardous business that often ended in death or serious injuries for the kidnappers. By the time he was 16, he considered a very small percentage to be actual kidnapping attempts, the majority being so pitiful he could simply walk out and get home before they knew something was wrong.


  1. Dehydration, starvation, and other forms of negligence were a possibility if Tony were only around Howard and Maria. Jarvis saved him from that particular fate which was lucky-- starving to death wouldn’t have been a good look on a billionaire's child.


  1. Alcohol poisoning had been a personal favorite for years if only because of how delightfully self destructive it was. He figured that one day someone would spike his drink and he wouldn’t notice, just continue to chug whatever hard liquor was closest and that would be it. Despite what the tabloids speculated, Tony knew exactly how much he could take, it was just that he didn’t care most days. Rhodey had turned that around, the caring bastard.


  1. Tony’d tried hard drugs, but he considered how addiction and continued use would affect his projects and stopped after a few tries. Chances of dying via overdose? Very low.


  1. Lab accident was highly unlikely, but listening to Pepper made it sound like he was on the verge of accidental suicide daily. Others may not know, but Tony had a vested interest in lab safety-- mostly that of his tech and DUM-E, but it resulted in him being careful with himself anyways because of DUM-E’s first aid wielding ways. Lab accident as a child was just as unlikely-- he didn’t have access to the really fun toys back then.


  1. Obie killing him was probable. Tony didn’t think about what it said about him that he didn’t get rid of the man at the first sign of duplicity.


  1. Heart problems? Most people seemed to think Tony didn’t have one. He would’ve liked to die from heart failure if only for the irony. He’d have to admit that he never once considered that he would die from having a fucking magnet in his chest.


  1. He usually considered drowning a by-product of too much alcohol, but in Afghanistan with his head held underwater he gave it its own due. Not because he thought they were trying to kill them, but because they weren’t the smartest terrorists around (see number 1) and they might _accidentally_ drown him.


  1. Falling to his death because he fell from something too high _was_ something he’d thought of, but he always figured that someone would push him for being annoying, not because his flying suit of armor didn’t have the juice for it.



The list was pointless anyways. Tony finally knew how he would die: palladium poisoning. And no, he, in all his genius, had not thought that was on the table-- hell, that it was even in the same room or _building_ as the table. Not that it mattered for shit. He was going to die from palladium poisoning and nothing would change that.

Tony figured that, all things considered, he’d had a pretty good life. He’d had a house he loved, money and everything it could buy, Rhodey, Pepper, Jarvis and JARVIS, DUM-E, and good health (until the end here, but that’s what most people experienced so it didn’t count). ‘Course he fucked over countless innocents with the weapons he’d built and not bothered to pay attention to his company, and that- well that was his only regret: that he’d been so apathetic to Stark Industries that he’d hurt people, and all because he couldn’t stop thinking of it as _Howard’s_ company.

(Tony stomped on the part of him that said he also regretted never being in love. A handful of people loved him throughout his entire life, but being _in love_ with him? Yeah, that didn’t happen.)

Giving Pepper SI was hands-down the best decision he ever made in his life, and he knew she’d agree once the smoke cleared and everyone stopped being sexist dicks to see her as the competent business woman she was.

Tony knew the only thing left to do was to give Rhodey his own armor, but Tony couldn’t exactly drop it on his doorstep with a big bow without raising some serious questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. His death would answer all of them _and_ save Tony an awkward conversation! Genius indeed. So, all in all, his imminent death was coming along nicely.

Of course then life had to go and _fuck it all up_.

Pepper was trying to get him to hire a new assistant and bodyguard since he insisted that Happy watch over her.

“Pep I’m _Iron Man_ what do I need a bodyguard for? And an assistant? Do you secretly hate these people and want to bully them into quitting? Cause there are easier, less painful ways to get rid of them. Hitmen, for one. Sending them into accounting is another. Wait what am I saying you don’t need a reason to get rid of people you just _can_ Miss Hot-shot CEO, no need to drag poor engineers into this.”

Pepper stared at him flatly. “You’re accepting at least _one_ of them Tony, no excuses.”

“But Peeeeeep,” he whined. “I don’t need an assistant” _because I’ll be dead in a couple months_ “if I’m not running a company. If you recall-- which I know you do-- your job was to get me to do CEO things but I’m not _going_ to those things now. If anything, _you_ need an assistant.”

“I already have one,” she said, not missing a beat.

“Then have another! Whoever you were going to force on me can do it.”

“I don’t need two assistants-”

“Then keep one around for eye candy.”

She arched an eyebrow at him.

“What?” he said defensively, not liking the feeling that he just proved her point for her.

“Keep them around to be pretty if you want, but you’re accepting one of them.” She stood and Tony followed suit as she turned to face probably the two most gorgeous people in the world. The man was tall-- taller than Tony, not that that was hard-- had grey eyes, long dark hair that was pulled back, a criminal jaw line filled with scruff, and frankly more muscles than should exist on a normal human. The woman had curly red hair to her waist and the sort of face and body that could distract a man from the fact that she was the one killing him.

“Did you pick them out of a catalog Pep? Cause it kinda feels like you did. There’s no way they both work here.” If they did, he would’ve come to the offices more often.

“They can and do. Either choose one or take them both home.” Pepper made a face at herself and cut Tony off before he could say anything. “No sexual harassment cases Tony,” she said severely. “I do _not_ need to deal with that right now.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Fear not Pepper pot. Who’s the supposed assistant and who’s the bodyguard?”

The red-head raised an eyebrow as if no one had ever assumed she was dangerous-- which, _stupid_ for them to have done that; they were probably alive to regret it, but then again maybe not.

“Doesn’t matter, really. You,” he pointed at the woman, “are too scary for consistent contact, but I’m sure you and Pepper will get along famously. Wait if you team up the world will fall in week.” He paused to consider a different course of action. “Go back to whatever your job is. Or kill for a better one, just hide the body when you’re done and we’ll be fine.”

Beside him, Pepper rolled her eyes. He wasn’t looking at her, but he knew.

“Guess that leaves you, handsome. I would say I’m afraid you won’t be doing much, but dealing with me should be more than enough to earn you your paycheck, just ask Pepper.” He turned to her and mimed his hand writing. “Isn’t this the part where I sign something?”

A brunette he didn’t recognize held out a pen and paper braced by her notebook. Ah, this must be the assistant Pepper mentioned. He eyed her appraisingly for a moment before deciding Happy wouldn’t let anyone dangerous near Pepper.

“You wouldn’t let me sell my soul, would you Pep?” he asked while he signed it.

“I never double-sell Mister Stark; it’s bad for business.”

Tony grinned at her then looked at the man he was taking home for not-sexy times. “C’mon gorgeous, I need to work on the prosthetics line and you’re the perfect person to tell me how they handle.” He kissed Pepper’s cheek, waved to Happy and left, tall, dark, and handsome beside him, looking amused.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever chosen me over Natalie before.”

Tony raised a disbelieving eyebrow and looked him over, head to toe, to hide the shudder he felt at hearing his Brooklyn accent. Fucking hell one minute in the room together and Tony was preparing to give him the time of his life. “Have they seen you?”

Gorgeous smirked at him and shrugged one shoulder. “They prefer someone who doesn’t look like they can kill them with one arm.”

“Have they seen _her_?”

His smirk widened into a grin. “They’re distracted by the hair and breasts.”

Tony shook his head and refocused on where they were walking. “How’s the arm treating you?”

“Why, Mister Stark do I not get a date first? I heard you were a wine-and-dine sorta fella.”

He snorted. “Don’t know where you heard that, but I’ve got news for you gorgeous, they were _lying_ ,” Tony whispered the last part, leaning into him slightly.

“Bucky,” he said.

“What?” Tony said, completely thrown.

“My name’s Bucky. So you know what to scream later,” he said with a wink.

Tony paused and watched him walk for a few seconds. He would’ve watched him longer-- because _damn_ what Tony wouldn’t give to get his hands on that ass-- except Bucky stopped and turned to face him. “The hell kind of name is Bucky? Is it a nickname? Please tell me it’s a nickname, I wouldn’t be able to deal with the fact that two adults had a child and hated him enough to make that his legal name. What’s your last name? Is it thoroughly normal to make up for your first name? I hope it is.”

“Brown, and yes it’s a nickname. You can blame my sisters if it makes you feel better.”

Tony nodded. “It would. How many sisters?”

“Three. Younger, pains in the ass, all of them, but wouldn’t trade them for anything.”

Tony shook his head disbelievingly and started walking again. “Bucky Brown, you poor thing. You never answered the question about your arm.”

“It lags, ‘specially in the cold.”

Tony nodded along already thinking of ways to combat temperature changes. “How does it feel around the port?”

Bucky answered and the next thing Tony knew he had his fingers up close and personal with Bucky’s prosthetic in his ‘shop.

“Try it now.”

He made a fist and let it go again. “Better.”

“But still slow.”

Bucky’s face softened at Tony’s dark tone. He put his flesh hand against Tony’s back, a warm, comforting brand that he wanted so badly to lean into. “You know this is incredible right? Three years ago my prosthetic was a glorified place-holder to make everyone else feel normal, but now I can actually _use it._ Nobody else has a product even close to this and here you are beating yourself up that it doesn’t move as quick as the one I was born with.”

Tony pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth-- something Aunt Peggy had taught him when he was little-- to keep from having any visible tell other than his momentary silence. “You know, I never did find out if you were supposed to be the bodyguard or assistant. The obvious answer would be bodyguard, but- what was her name- Natalie?- she seems more lethal in that femme fatale kind of way. Of course, that could be a good reason for her to be an assistant, because god knows nobody in these parts would think of her as anything other than a possible gold-digger,” Tony rambled and kept going, carefully returning all the wires to their proper places and closing the panel, then giving the arm a once-over to make sure none of the plates were dented or otherwise damaged, talking all the while.

Bucky let him do it, not commenting on his moment of weakness and instead smiling along and giving his own opinion on Natalie, assistants, and assistant spies when the conversation called for it. Bucky never did take his hand off of Tony, but it was less purposeful, and more like he enjoyed being close to him and simply forgot.

It was… nice. There was an unfamiliar, curling, warm sensation in his stomach that he somehow recognized as the beginnings of something very, _very_ dangerous.

* * *

‘Fuck’ was a good phrase to describe Tony’s life. ‘Total mess’ was another.

Tony and Bucky were flirting nonstop to the point where it was more accurately called sexual tension, and Tony didn’t know how to tell his emotions to back the fuck up before they got any ideas. They already had ideas though. Many, many insidious ideas of holding Bucky and kissing him and sleeping with him, _literally sleeping with him without any sex involved_ and Tony was so so screwed. Because Bucky wasn’t just a walking wet dream, accent, smirk, and his walk all included. Oh no that would have been too easy.

He spent time with Tony and reminded him to eat and rest-- sometimes forcefully. He worked on a couple of the cars with Tony and looked _so goddamn excited_ about it that Tony will forever swear he’s part puppy.

He listens when Tony talks. He actually. Listens. When. Tony. Talks. Whether it’s Star Trek or prosthetics or the latest Stark phone, Bucky will always listen and ask him to elaborate, or challenge him, or ask him to explain something he didn’t understand. The only other person who had listened no matter the topic was Jarvis, and that had been decades ago.

Bucky had this way of smiling at Tony that always made his heart skip a beat-- dangerous in his condition, really, but he knew it was emotional not physical no matter how much it felt to be the contrary. Every time Bucky sent that smile his way Tony was that much closer to just saying ‘fuck it’ and taking the man to bed (though whether it was for sleeping or sex Tony was never certain), no matter that Tony was dying.

He was pulled back from that sort of feeling when Rhodey visited, helping Tony replace the core of the arc reactor. After seeing his face when Tony said he was dying, he added, “Made you a suit.” He pointed in the general direction of it and saw the moment Rhodey realized that suit was bigger than the others for a reason. “Left it silver for you. We both know red isn’t your color honeybunch, but J will paint it if you want, all you gotta do is ask.”

“Tony… I can’t accept it.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “‘Course you can it’s not like it’ll fit anyone else, it’s built to your frame. It’s been done for months, but I couldn’t figure out how to give it to you without you thinking I was dying but now…” he grinned and gestured to the whole of his torso, “problem solved!” When his best friend didn’t look convinced, he added, “There’s no one more deserving of this than you Rhodey. Besides, it’ll make sure you never forget me.” He said the last part teasingly but Rhodey heard the insecurity and yanked him into a hug.

“I don’t need a fucking iron man suit to remember you Tones.”

He could feel Rhodey shaking, and that more than anything frightened him. Rhodey didn’t lose control. It just didn’t happen. “Accept it anyways,” he pleaded, though he’d walk through hellfire before admitting it.

Rhodey squeezed him tighter. “If it’ll make you happy.” Tony nodded minutely. “Okay then.” He cleared his throat uselessly. “Guess Iron Man will have a partner for a few months.”

“Not that long,” Tony corrected quietly. He doesn’t know if Rhodey heard him or not. Regardless, it served to remind Tony that starting something with Bucky wouldn’t go anywhere because of A) his death and B) the very obvious sign of that coming death written on his chest.

His resolve to not let his relationship with Bucky progress lasted all of two days. Tony had planned a big blowout of a party at the mansion, wanting to see if he could short out his liver before the palladium finished its work and all with an audience because he was Tony Stark.

It was maybe an hour before the party was set to start that Bucky was fooling around at one of Tony’s minibars that was a regular sized bar anywhere else.

“Make me a martini?”

Bucky smiled widely at him and executed a half-bow. “As you wish.”

“Make it dirty.”

“I can make more than just your drink dirty.”

Normally Tony would have smiled and flirted back but right now… he was tired. He wanted Bucky, and he wanted to stop being in pain from being poisoned by his own life support, and he _didn’t want to fucking die_.

Bucky didn’t say anything about Tony’s uncharacteristic silence, just hummed a song Tony didn’t recognize to fill the quiet of the room while he mixed the drink. “Here,” he said, handing over the glass and sitting next to Tony’s legs, “is this dirty enough for you?” His voice was pitched low, smile on his face but eyes serious.

Tony took a sip, not registering the taste as he stared at Bucky. The pulse on his neck was leaping and his eyes were darker than they should’ve been in the admittedly dim room. A slight flush had taken residence in his cheeks. Everything in his body language was sensual and inviting and those things he couldn’t fake made Tony ask, in a softer voice than he’d intended, “If you had one birthday left, what would you do?”

“You don’t have one birthday left,” Bucky pointed out, voice just as low and soft as Tony’s.

“Humor me.”

“I’d do whatever I wanted to do… with whoever I wanted to do it with.”

Tony set his drink aside, not taking his eyes off Bucky. Slowly, he leaned forward and put one of his hands to cup Bucky’s face. “Sounds dangerous.”

“Feels worth it,” he countered, near breathlessly.

And _god_ if Bucky was saying that before they even kissed what would he be saying later? Tony had a curious nature and fuck everything if he wasn’t going to pursue this. He leaned in that last bit and kissed him. Calling it lips on lips felt wrong because Bucky was there and kissing him back and warm. The cave had been cold, the water had been cold, the arc reactor was cold, but Bucky was a pulsing heater that Tony wanted to wrap around and never let go.

A chaste kiss shouldn’t have made Tony shiver when he pulled back but it did and that was when he finally admitted to himself that he was half in love with Bucky.

“You have a party,” Bucky reminded him in a breathless whisper. Knowing that the kiss affected Bucky as much as it did Tony was a shining beacon and Tony couldn’t help but grin.

“So?”

“We don’t h-have time,” he stuttered when Tony kissed his jaw, “time to do this properly before it starts.”

“Then we won’t go,” he said simply, pulling the tie from Bucky’s hair and running his fingers through it. “They won’t notice as long as the music starts,” he wound his fingers around strands near the base of his skull and used it to tilt Bucky’s head to the side, leaving his neck open and inviting, “and there’s alcohol.” He nibbled along the muscle that connected neck to shoulder, knowing he’d won when Bucky moaned.

Suddenly, Bucky hauled Tony into his lap and crashed their lips together, desperate and wanting. Tony gave up the short-lived teasing as a thing of the past and held onto Bucky almost bruisingly in his need to meet Bucky head on for this.

He pulled his lips away for long enough to gasp, “My room,” and then they were being used again. Bucky didn’t move though and some far back, functioning part of Tony’s brain realized that Bucky would be happy to have him right there in some random room. No good. Tony somehow got off Bucky’s lap and got them both standing, making a fifteen second walk to the elevator last much longer.

Bucky pressed him against the wall of the elevator as soon as they were inside, and JARVIS-- bless him-- sent them to Tony’s penthouse without a command.

Tony felt like Bucky held the answer to true happiness in him and was sharing it with Tony a piece at a time. The lips against his were great, the tongue in his mouth fantastic, the cock grinding against his divine, but he needed more and he had to have it _now_.

Small steps and a fair amount of stumbling later, Tony was pinned between Bucky and his mattress, thrusting up against him as best he could. As if by some unknown signal, Bucky stopped, hands going to Tony’s zipper in question.

“Fair’s fair Bucky-babe, we’re doing this together.” How he managed such a coherent sentence he had no idea.

Bucky grinned at him wolfishly then rubbed his face against Tony’s clothed erection. Tony whimpered when he leaned back then stood, but it turned into a breathless moan when he saw Bucky stripping with quick efficiency. Tony’s hands put themselves to work on his own pants, only needing a little help from Bucky at the end, who gave it willingly. When Bucky’s hands went for his shirt though, he stopped him. “I want to keep it on. Arc reactor,” he offered as an explanation.

Bucky nodded and didn’t press for Tony to change his mind; not when he kissed him again, not when he took him in hand and whispered filthy things in his ear about how he loved seeing him like this, and not even when he had three fingers in Tony and was being begged to fuck him blind.

The shirt had gotten in the way during, and after, it was soiled with Tony’s come. Bucky fumbled for his own clean shirt and held it out to Tony, jiggling it in offering. When Tony hesitantly took it, Bucky turned his back so Tony could change without him seeing. Tony didn’t move, staring at the back of Bucky’s head with wide eyes. They’d just had sex-- fucked, even-- and Bucky still respected his wishes after the fact. After he switched shirts, he hugged Bucky from behind, kissing his shoulder gratefully.

What followed was a very sloppy cleanup and an amazing night’s sleep, even if they woke the next morning feeling a little crusty and gross. Tony woke to Bucky sitting up and stretching, then turning back to him with a sleepy, extremely satisfied smile on his face.

There was nothing Tony could do except kiss him.

* * *

Surprisingly, Tony’s life didn’t change that much. Maybe it was because Bucky had already been there for a few weeks, but everything was basically the same. He worked in the ‘shop, scolded DUM-E, and fended off most of Bucky’s suggestions that he take a break. The improvements of course, were kisses, sex, and sleeping better, along with the fact that Bucky didn’t want him to change. There had been an almost with Pepper, but that wouldn’t have been sustainable. Pepper had never liked that Tony was Iron Man, and that combined with everything else she disapproved of… it never would have worked because they wouldn’t change for each other.

Realizing he was in love with Bucky after three days was… a complication. This wasn’t the last, fun fling he half-hoped it would be, and he sure as hell couldn’t _tell_ Bucky that he loved him after knowing each other for a month.

Rhodey had come by to visit, claiming it was to talk about his armor, but Tony caught the sadness in his eyes and knew he was cramming in time with his best friend before he was gone forever. Tony pretended not to notice, and Rhodey pretended that Tony didn’t know.

“You look happier,” Rhodey noted when there was a lull in the conversation and they were both staring at the newly painted and named War Machine.

“I’m always happy honey-bear.”

Rhodey ignored the obvious lie. “I was expecting you to be so far in self-destruction you couldn’t see your own hand in front of your face.” He glanced at Tony. “What happened?”

“What makes you think something happened?”

“I’ve known you most of your life, Stark, you can’t hide much from me.”

Tony didn’t say anything for a minute, drumming his fingers on the arc reactor as he stared, unseeing at the grey and black War Machine. “You know that assistant Pepper made me hire?”

“I thought he was a bodyguard.”

Tony quirked a smile and shrugged. It wasn’t like it mattered, Bucky was doing the same things no matter his official job title. “Always wanted to fall in love, platypus, I can die happy now.” A lie. Now that he had it he wanted to dig his fingers in and make his body heal itself by sheer force of will.

Rhodey sighed, shaking his head, and Tony prepared himself for a lecture only to stare in surprise when he said, “I hope you know what you’re doing Tones.” Rhodey met his eyes. “Does he know you’re dying?”

Tony snorted. “No, and he’s not going to.” That much Tony was sure of. Bucky wouldn’t just accept that there was nothing to be done and continue about his business like nothing had changed (even though the only change would be him knowing).

“I think he’ll notice when you drop dead one day.”

“He won’t be around that long.”

Rhodey raised his eyebrows. “That sounds ominous.”

“Nobody can stand me for too long even if they’re being paid for it. He’ll be gone within two weeks.”

Rhodey surveyed him for a moment. “You don’t believe that.”

Tony laughed, not because it was funny, but because Rhodey was right. “I can’t think about how I’m letting down another person sourpuss, and I’m too selfish to get rid of him.”

“It’s not selfish to be happy Tony.” And Rhodey, damn it, he actually sounded sincere.

“Haven’t you heard? _Everything_ I do is selfish. I could give everything I own away tomorrow and everyone would talk about my latest public relations ploy.”

“Fine,” Rhodey said, voice hard, “maybe it is selfish, but who cares? If this guy makes you happy, be with him for as long as you can. Enjoy it while you’re still alive to.”

So Tony did.

He hadn’t meant to tell Bucky he loved him, but it happened. They were cuddling on a couch after Tony had a bad day, his head resting on Bucky’s chest as Bucky ran his metal fingers through Tony’s hair.

“I thought it would feel different,” Tony mumbled, too tired to censor himself.

“What would?” Bucky asked, sounding amused.

“Falling in love.”

Bucky didn’t freeze, just kept rubbing Tony’s scalp. “What did you think it would feel like?”

“Terrifying. Like losing control of your car because the steering wheel was ripped out.”

“And what does it feel like?”

“Like not being in control because someone else is driving and you know they’ll be there any time you need them.”

Bucky’s hand twitched at that, but Tony didn’t notice, well on his way to being asleep.

* * *

Tony figured he had a week and a half left if the current rate of palladium poisoning stayed consistent. He and Bucky had been together for three weeks. Even with Tony’s limited knowledge of relationships, he knew he had passed the point where he should’ve told Bucky he was dying, especially since he told him he loved him after a week. Why couldn’t there be a formula for these things? Three days into their relationship was too soon, and he knew that three weeks was too late. Hell, _two_ weeks had been too late how the fuck did other people do this? The answer, of course, was that most people didn’t know when they were dying so they never had to have this conversation.

Tony flew to get donuts in the Iron Man suit because A) he would miss his suits soon, and B) everyone loves donuts right? Give Bucky some donuts, break the news, hopefully he wouldn’t get too upset. Rhodey had handled the news like a champ and they’d been friends for decades, and making Pepper an omelet before he told her had been, well, messy and lengthy, but it worked.

So there Tony was, watching the sunrise in a giant donut sign and mentally preparing himself, when Nick Fury showed up wanting to talk to him. Tony was tempted to have the conversation right there without coming down, but he wanted to get home soon so he dropped down and followed the Director inside with only a few quips about the man’s all black attire and coat that he treated like a cape.

Tony was only half paying attention to the conversation. He had a whopping ten days left and he didn’t want to spend them arguing with SHIELD about their universe or his attitude or whatever else they had a problem with.

He heard footsteps approaching them but largely ignored it until he heard them speak. “The perimeter’s secure, but I don’t think we should hold it for much longer.” Tony freezed with his coffee cup raised to his lips.

That was- no there was- no _fucking way_ that that was Bucky. He turned to look at him and- shit. Bucky was wearing a SHIELD uniform, face neutral as he looked at Tony. Tony nudged his sunglasses lower so he could look at Bucky without them as if that would magically solve the situation.

Tony knew his face was pale, but he was supposed to be sick right? If he acted normal maybe they wouldn’t know. Wouldn’t know that Tony told Bucky he fucking loved him. Yeah. Right.

He hummed, setting his cup on the table. “You’re fired.”

“That’s not up to you.” No inflection, no… no _anything_. Tony pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. _Stark men are made of iron, Stark men are made of iron, Starkmenaremadeofiron Starkmenaremadeofiron_ \--  

“Pep likes me, she’d consider it.”

Fury was smiling smugly and Tony wanted little more than to hit him with a repulsor. “Tony, I want you to meet Agent Barnes, he’s a SHIELD shadow I assigned to you.”

Tony snorted. “Is that what we’re calling it? Well, Nicky as delightful as this was, I don’t think there’s anything I can do for you and whatever it is you’re wanting.” _I haven’t fallen for a honeytrap since I was_ twenty-fucking-three _and you kind of just ripped a chunk of my heart out while smiling so I want to fucking go home. Or maybe blow some shit up so I’ll die faster_.

Cause of death: palladium poisoning. Reason subject didn’t give a single fuck about it anymore: heartbreak.

“This is about what we can do for you. Hit him.”

A jab in the side of his neck that made his gasp and flinch, then a too-familiar hand tilting his head to the side so they could see the lines of poison recede.

Tony slapped away Bucky’s hand. “What was that?”

“Lithium dioxide, it’s going to take the edge off-” Fury started.

“Great give me a couple boxes of that and I’ll be right as rain.” The ache behind his ribs throbbed in reminder, a counter to the rest of him feeling better than it had in weeks.

“It’s not a cure,” Bucky said, “it just abates the symptoms.” Tony just wanted him to shut up, to stop reminding him that he was there.

“Doesn’t look like it’s going to be an easy fix,” Fury stated.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Trust me, I’m good at this stuff. I’ve been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium and there isn’t one.” _Just let me leave_.

“And if there’s an element that you don’t know? What then?”

“Probably me calling you a liar and leaving.” He stood. “We done here?” He started to walk without waiting for answer.

“I’ll send the boxes to you,” Fury called after him.

“Do whatever you want, it’s not like I have a say.” He made it out the doors and jammed his helmet on, taking off without any fanfare. He started crying before he made it home, but managed to keep from breaking down until the suit was off and he was safely inside.

Agent Coulson arrived with the promised boxes far too soon for Tony’s taste. He was sure he looked a mess but couldn’t bring himself to care. Life goal to fall in love? Check. He should be happy really. Bucky- no, what had Fury said?- Barnes. Barnes was just doing his job. It was a better motivation than anyone else had ever had when they tried (and mostly failed) to seduce Tony, and at least this way Tony knew it wasn’t personal.

Didn’t mean it hurt any less.

It hurt like a bitch when Barnes showed up along with the boxes to help Coulson keep an eye on Tony. The room they were in was large, and while they weren’t close to him, the open floor plan made the distance seen smaller than it was.

Tony spent hours going through the useless contents and watching Howard get progressively more frustrated with each reel until he finally caught the prize. He couldn’t hold back a derisive snort when Howard claimed Tony was his greatest invention, but the Expo map behind him was the important part.

“You guys bring that with you?” Tony asked as he stood.

Barnes wordlessly got up and left the room, dragging a long box behind him when he came back a minute later. He handed Tony a knife to cut the tape without being asked and the movement was so _Bucky_ that Tony had to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and remind himself that none of it had been real.

Tony was setting up the model for JARVIS to scan when Coulson got a call and left the room. Barnes’s eyes tracked him to the doorway and a few seconds after, before he turned to Tony.

“I’m sorry.”

Tony’s eyes snapped to his. Buc- _Barnes_ actually looked like he meant it. “What,” he said dumbly.

“I hurt you. And I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention.”

Tony knew he was gaping at him and that he shouldn’t be, but he couldn’t stop. “You were just doing your job,” he said faintly.

Barnes made a face that practically screamed _Bucky_ and Tony had to turn away.

He cleared his throat, fiddling pointlessly with the Expo model. “You’re very good at your job, you know,” Tony said in a voice that by some miracle sounded nonchalant, “I didn’t suspect you for a second.”

“Tony,” he started, sounding pained.

“Barnes!” Coulson said sharply. “Director Fury’s here and he wants to speak with you.”

For a moment, he didn’t move, as if he didn’t want to leave-- and didn’t _that_ fuck with Tony’s head-- but he did eventually turn and did what Tony recognized as the professional version of stomping out of a room.

Coulson told him he was leaving for New Mexico, they exchanged banter, but Tony’s mind was stuck with what Bu-Barnes had said.

No one had ever apologized before.

Granted most of them were in it for personal gain and only left because Tony didn’t fall for it, but still. It did dangerous things to Tony’s insides.

“J? Are Fury and Bucky here?”

“Yes sir.”

“Pull up the video feed for me would you buddy?” he asked, pulling a tablet into his lap. JARVIS, bless his little circuits, gave Tony the best cameras to look through at shoulder height so he could see facial expressions.

Bucky-- and Tony resigned himself to the fact that that’s what Barnes would be to him until he stopped being in love with him ( _if_ that happened)-- was just walking into the room where Fury was waiting.

Fury started talking without preamble, “ _Y_ _ou’ve been reassigned. First thing tomorrow, you’ll be reporting to-”_

 _“Sir_ ,” Bucky said, interrupting him. Tony raised his eyebrows in surprise that someone aside from himself would do that, especially an employee of SHIELD. “ _I really think I’d be better off here._ ”

Fury gave him a hard look, and it wasn’t until then that Tony realized how fond Fury had looked of him in the donut shop. “ _You’re compromised where Stark is concerned. Or do you mean to tell me you misread your orders going into this op?_ ”

Bucky grit his teeth. “ _No sir_.”

“ _Oh so you_ accidentally _fell into bed with him in clear violation of orders? Not sure that gives me the warm and fuzzies, Barnes._ ”

Tony sensed more than saw the tic in Bucky’s jaw. He was… numb. Violation of orders? To be with Tony? This- this didn’t make any sense- why?- Bucky had been a honeytrap set up to- no, just- no. Tony shook away the ringing in his ears to focus on the conversation, staring at the screen intently.

“ _You’re an excellent agent, and you don’t want to throw it all away for a roll in the hay with Stark._ ”

Bucky glared at Fury before Tony could be hurt by that (he was an _excellent_ lay, thank you very much). “ _Are you saying that if I don’t leave for this new assignment in the morning I’m fired?_ ” Bucky asked evenly, in the way that meant Fury needed to say exactly the right thing.

“ _I’m saying that I want assurances I won’t regret letting you stay here._ ”

“ _And what would you regret, exactly?_ ” Bucky asked, his voice like stone.

Fury sighed, shaking his head. “ _Looks like we’re past that,_ ” he said to himself. He made eye contact with Bucky. “ _Fine. Date Stark, make heart eyes at each other, but you’ll be off special ops until you’ve made up for this_.”

Bucky nodded. “ _Thank you sir,_ ” he said, voice a touch softer in gratitude.

Fury shook his head again and turned to leave, his coat flipping dramatically enough that Tony knew it was intentional. “ _Just remember to do your job while you’re here, Barnes_.”

With the director gone, Bucky’s posture relaxed, and he rubbed his face with his metal hand. He took another minute to compose himself before leaving, but Tony remained staring at the now empty through his tablet.

He didn’t think; he _couldn’t_ think. One of the only times in his life that his brain was quiet, and it shouldn’t be.

Bucky’s footsteps sounded, getting closer to him, and he knew that he should move but he was… heavy.

“...Tony? Are you okay?” Bucky carefully moved closer and looked over Tony’s shoulder to see the screen. He paled when he recognized the room and hesitantly, slowly, took the tech from Tony’s hands, locking the screen and setting it on the coffee table. “How much did you see?” he asked quietly, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees.

“You weren’t supposed to sleep with me.” Tony’s voice was half questioning, half stating.

“No.”

Tony looked at Bucky, whose gaze was on the ground. “Then why did you?”

Bucky rubbed his hands together slowly, focusing-- as far as Tony could tell-- on the drag and differences in texture. He didn’t answer, instead said, “I thought falling in love would feel different,” which Tony guessed was answer enough. Bucky had a sad smirk on his face as he parroted Tony’s words.

Tony studied him, the resigned set of his shoulders, the forced calm in the way he moved his hands, the deep set frown as he kept his eyes trained downwards… The heavy feeling from before dissipated. “I don’t even know your name,” he admitted, cringing at how pathetic he sounded.

Bucky looked at him, not straightening from his current position. “James Buchanan Barnes. People really do call me Bucky.”

Immediately, Tony felt hope spring in him. “So… you do have three sisters?” Bucky nodded. “And you are from Brooklyn?”

“Yeah.”

Slowly, and with a faint tremor that Tony didn’t want to acknowledge, he reached out his hand and laid it on Bucky’s arm. Bucky looked at him with hope etched in his eyes, and Tony knew he was struggling not to touch Tony back. He looked at his hand and trailed it down Bucky’s arm to hold his hand. Bucky’s breath hitched, bringing a small smile to Tony’s lips. “I don’t know if I can trust you yet.”

“Whatever it takes,” Bucky promised. “I thought I lost you, and I’d- I’d do anything for you Tony, you know that right? Even if you don’t want me anymore.”

Tony squeezed his hand. “Of course I want you,” he said, and it felt like a declaration. Feeling more like himself already, he added, “Just maybe we can talk about this when I’m not dying and trying to create a new element?”

“Shit, yeah, ‘course.”

He immediately looked guilty and worried, and Tony chuckled, standing up and bringing Bucky along with him. “Don’t fall all over yourself Bucky-babe, I’m pretty sure the old man gave me the answer.” He gestured to where the Expo model was setting on a scanning table of JARVIS’s.

“Anything I can do to help?” Bucky offered.

Tony grinned at him, and although he hadn’t even spent 12 hours thinking Bucky had been a honeytrap, it felt like it’d been too long since he’d been this happy. “I’ll let you know.” He wanted to kiss him, but he wasn’t ready, so he just squeezed his hand again before releasing it and going back to work/saving his life.

A few minutes later, Tony turned to Bucky with a manic grin. “Time to do some remodeling Buckaroo.”

* * *

JARVIS had cautioned Tony against putting in the new chest piece, but honestly no amount of calculations would change the fact that this new element either worked or didn’t. After JARVIS confirmed that it was working fantastically, Tony hugged Bucky, then called Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy. Pepper cried while hiding in Happy’s shoulder as he pretended he wasn’t doing the same. Rhodey grinned and said he wasn’t giving back the suit.

For his part, Bucky waited until Tony was done with his friends before asking if he could inform Fury.

Tony eyed him curiously. “If I said no, what would you do?”

“I wouldn’t tell him.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “He’s your boss. You could be fired if he found out.”

“I don’t plan on betraying you twice.”

He felt all the air whoosh out of him. “Christ Bucky,” he swore. “Yes you can tell Director Angry that his beautiful Snow White will continue to live.”

Bucky smiled at him. “Am I a dwarf or Prince Charming?”

Tony hummed thoughtfully. “Normally I’d say Prince Charming, but you _are_ awfully grumpy in the morning.”

“It’s morning now,” he pointed out.

“We didn’t sleep last night, it doesn’t count,” Tony waved off. “How about you call up Fury and then we go get breakfast? It’ll be fun, we can talk about all that relationship stuff like a nice good healthy couple.”

Bucky pulled out his phone, still smiling at Tony. “Sounds great.”

Breakfast was enlightening, if exhausting in its own right. Tony had to go through their interactions and ask Bucky about all of them. It certainly helped that very little of what Bucky had done had had ulterior motives. Eventually, Tony sighed, reaching up to tap at the new arc reactor.

“What’s wrong?”

Tony chewed his lip and looked at Bucky. “I’m worried that if I trust you again, I’ll regret it.”

Bucky nodded slowly. “We can… go slow?” he suggested. “You were dying last time, I think it’d be good for us to actually go on dates this go round, you know? If you still want to, that is.”

“I do,” Tony confirmed, fiddling with the edge of an unused napkin. He took a deep breath then smiled at Bucky. “I’m going to the Monaco Grand Prix in two days with Pepper, you want to come? As a date, not an assistant.”

“Bodyguard, actually,” he corrected with a smirk. “I’d feel better going as both.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Iron Man doesn’t need a bodyguard.”

“And when you aren’t in the armor?”

“I _am_ Iron Man sweetcheeks, armor or no.”

Bucky smiled at him fondly. “I know, but I’d feel better if you let me protect you while we’re out. I am trained for this sort of thing, you know.”

Tony heaved a put-upon sigh. “Fine, you can protect me, but I won’t be happy about it unless you look hot while you’re saving me.”

“Noted,” Bucky said, looking wholly amused. He shook his head. “God you’re filthy rich. Don’t you own one of the cars in this?”

“Yeah,” Tony said, knowing, intellectually, that it was a big deal for other people, but this was something he was accustomed to and barely thought twice about.

“Have you ever driven it?”

Tony startled. “No, why?”

Bucky shrugged. “You own it don’t you? I can’t imagine having a car like that and not driving it around at least once.”

“Huh.” It had never occurred to him before that he _could_ do that. “I’ll have to give that a try some time. Good idea Bucky-bear.”

“Happy to be of service Doctor Stark.”

“Doctor?”

Bucky frowned. “You have three doctorates don’t you?”

“Yeah, but…” Tony didn’t really know what to say. He _was_ a doctor technically, but no one ever _called_ him that. They would probably prefer to think he was just a spoiled businessman as opposed to a spoiled R &D head, even though the latter was more accurate, especially with Pepper now the CEO of Stark Industries.

“Do you not want me to call you that?” Bucky asked, concerned.

“No no it’s okay. I wasn’t expecting it is all. I mean, have you ever heard someone call me ‘Doctor Stark’ before? It’s not exactly common practice, sugar. However if you want to call me that, I’m sure as hell not going to stop you; I worked damn hard for those diplomas, and I’m not about to turn down some recognition.”

He smirked, pitching his voice low, “Whatever you say Doctor Stark.”

“I hate you.” Tony said, looking like he was thinking the exact opposite.

Bucky leaned back in his seat, sipping coffee and looking very self-satisfied.

* * *

Alright Tony could admit that it was a good idea Bucky was who he was. Some asshole with arc reactor powered whips attacked during the Grand Prix, destroying two cars and most of the restaurant they were in to watch the race. Someone would’ve been more than hurt if Bucky hadn’t been there to shoot at him until Happy got the suit to Tony (and Iron Man saved the day, thank you very much).

It turned out the whip-wielding asshole was Ivan Vanko, carrying a grudge from his father for _Tony’s_ father, and if that wasn’t a dumbass motive, Tony didn’t know what was-- _especially_ since Vanko’s father was guilty in the first place. Yeah, Howard was probably a dick about it, but still, this had nothing to do with Vanko junior and even less to do with Tony. Clearly this guy bought into that ‘sins of the father’ bullshit.

Anyways, Bucky saved him and looked hot while doing it, so Tony gave him a massage that night in the hotel ~~and no it wasn’t an excuse to get his hands on Bucky without having sex, ridiculous, honestly~~.

“You aren’t allowed to be good at everything,” Bucky groaned into the bedding. “It’s unfair to the rest of us.”

“I think since this particular skill is benefitting you at the moment, you should stop complaining and just accept that I am the best person you will ever meet.”

Bucky moaned as Tony happened upon a particularly good spot. “Consider it accepted. God I love you.” Tony froze on top of him. “Um. Should I not have said that?”

Tony began moving his hands again. “I’m a big fan of faking it till I make it, but that doesn’t really work in relationships. A week ago I trusted you completely, a few days ago that was shaken, and now I- fuck- I don’t know. It feels like I _should_ be more cautious about this, but I don’t want to be.”

“I don’t really know what that means, doll,” Bucky said, chuckling.

“It means,” Tony kissed his shoulder, “that you didn’t make me regret trusting you again, and now I don’t want you to make me regret throwing my heart into the ring.”

Bucky touched Tony’s calf, the only piece of him that was really accessible in his current position. “I won’t,” he promised.

* * *

“Is Hammer always like that?” Bucky asked, looking a mixture of exasperated, annoyed, and murderous, which was par for the course where Justin Hammer was concerned.

“Yep. He gets worse the more people that are around actually, so you were pretty lucky this time. His Expo piece is going to be a disaster whether or not that crap tech of his does what it’s supposed to, which I doubt by the way.”

Bucky wrinkled his nose and Tony wanted to kiss him for being so cute. “I had to use a Hammer weapon once, and never again,” he vowed.

Tony kissed his cheek. “You’re my boyfriend now Bucky-boo, only the best for you. All Hammer tech that touches you will be burned in a ritualistic offering to the gods of science. If they choose to accept it. If they don’t, then we’ll just be burning junk and that’s fine too.”

Bucky smirked and snaked a hand around Tony’s waist. “I’m not sure putting weapons in a fire is a smart idea.”

“Yes god forbid they actually go off.”

Bucky hid his smile in Tony’s hair, nuzzling when he got a whine of protest. “I don’t trust him.”

Tony snorted. “You shouldn’t, but he’s harmless. The biggest threat he poses to anyone is if they have his tech in the field when it fails, which, yeah is a major problem, but he’s not exactly the cunning type. If he were, he would’ve at least bought out some better brains before I could get my hands on them. Point is, there’s nothing to worry about from the man himself.”

“I don’t know,” Bucky said, not sounding convinced. “I’m going to ask Tasha to look into it.”

Tony shrugged. “If you think it’s necessary.”

“It may not be _necessary_ but half of what SHIELD does follows the motto ‘better safe than sorry’. Besides, all the shit with the Iron Man suits and Vanko showing up with arc reactor technology… I’m not going to bet on Hammer leaving it alone.”

Tony sighed heavily. “Fine, fine, go be a good boyfriend slash spy slash agent person and protect me, you handsome weirdo.” Tony kissed him, lingering longer than he meant to. “I’ll be in the ‘shop if you need me, gorgeous.”

Bucky swatted Tony’s ass as he walked away, laughing at the wink and playful shake of his hips Tony gave him in response.

A few days later, Hammer was in prison, Vanko was in prison _again_ after being presumed dead from when Hammer spirited him away, and Tony gave Bucky an apology blowjob and promised not to doubt his instincts again.

Cause of death: ~~palladium poisoning~~ Yet to be determined. Reason Tony thinks he’ll survive long enough to die of old age (and enjoy his life while getting there): Bucky. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [@cami-chats](http://cami-chats.tumblr.com)


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